I Surrender… My Struggles with Control.

I Surrender...

Surrender caring about what people think of me. 

Surrender control over situations that don’t matter.

Surrender my obsession with perfection. 

Surrender my fears of what the future holds for my autistic son. 

Surrender my life to anything other than what God has for me. 

Surrendering is something I have to constantly do, so much so, that I got it tattooed on my wrist. The truth is control is something I struggle with. Control is something I cling to when areas of my life feel out of control. This is where my eating disorder stemmed from when I was 17 years old. I was in a controlling relationship, so I turned to what I could control… which was food at the time. 

Thankfully, I have been recovered from the depths of anorexia for many years now, however, the control piece is something that has stayed. It has looked different throughout the years, but it’s definitely still something I struggle with. I go through seasons where my control issues are better than others. But it always seems when a stressful situation comes up, I once again start obsessing over the things within my control. Sometimes, it can big things, while other times, it’s silly, minor things. I can control my routine. I can control my exercise. I can control my food. I can control my household. I can control my plans. Things that are all wonderful things and a blessing, but can become consuming and unhealthy if I take it too far. 

God is constantly reminding me that I need to surrender it all to Him. It’s a lesson that He is always teaching me. I first thought about getting this tattoo a few years ago. I thought how perfect it would be to have this reminder right on my body! What stopped me. however, was the idea that I was still struggling with this. I thought, “I will get that tattoo when I finally let go. I’ll get it when I finally, fully, surrender everything”. 

I was thinking about this during one of my morning runs last month, while visiting Folly Beach in South Carolina. I was once again thinking about wanting to get this tattoo, but how I am not there yet. I still struggle with surrendering so much of my control issues to the Lord. I then felt Him speak so clearly to me to stop waiting for perfection. Stop waiting till you finally surrender everything. I felt Him say, “I am not asking you to worry about surrendering for the rest of your life, I just want you to focus on one day at a time”. Surrender it all to me, today, and then come to me tomorrow and do it again. Focus on one day at a time.

I was instantly overwhelmed with such peace. I didn’t have to be perfect at surrendering to get “I surrender” tattooed on my wrist…. I just need to be willing to commit to surrendering each day to God. I came back from my run and told my husband that I was finally getting the tattoo I want when we get back from vacation. I made the appointment, and got it a couple days after we got back. 

I’m hoping that this message can bless someone else today. Maybe there is someone else who struggles with control in some area of their life. Or maybe someone has something else they are struggling with….. I encourage you today to not worry about tomorrow, or the next day, or even next week. Just lay down your burdens today. God tells us in the book of Lamentations, that “his mercies are new every morning”! We don’t need to worry about what we need tomorrow, we just need to focus on what he has given us for today! Surrender to Him…God’s bigger than anything we can face in this world. Be blessed today y’all.